Love is Disguised
by Lady of Knights
Summary: Robin comes to Marian on the eve of her wedding to Guy, and they have a heartbreaking conversation. It is a canonical scene from 1x13 which is written from Robin and Marian's POVs.


Robin comes to Marian on the eve of her wedding to Guy, and they have a heartbreaking conversation. It is a canonical scene from 1x13 which is written from Robin and Marian's POVs.

This story is a gift for Penelope Clemence whom I love, admire, and respect. Penelope started this story a few years ago, but, unfortunately, she had no time to finish it. It is a product of her and my work and fantasies.

This story is also a gift for two other people I love – Sir Robin of Locksley and Coleen561.

Disclaimer: I don't own BBC's Robin Hood or any of the show's characters. I have no rights to the canonical plots and storylines.

 **Love is Disguised**

 _Knighton Hall_

"How are you feeling?" Robin's voice asked with concern.

Marian looked at Robin, obviously surprised. He was leaning on the jamb, looking at her with doleful eyes. She didn't expect that he would come to her on the eve of her wedding to Guy.

As she eyed him from head to foot, with a sort of innocent wonder, Marian felt her heart leap in her chest. Robin was dressed in his usual dark brown garb that blended well with the colors of the wilds and helped him stay invisible for his enemies.

In the dim light of the room, Robin looked handsome and charming and so utterly male despite his boyish looks that it all took her breath away. He took her breath away! Her mind and her body immediately reacted to his brilliant blue, penetrating eyes and to his handsomeness. And there was a lot of sadness in his eyes, revealing the far more emotional side of Robin that Marian was beginning to see more clearly through the thick layers of his arrogance, pride, and invincibility.

Gazing into his eyes, Marian guessed the purpose of his unexpected visit. He was going to talk to her about her wedding to Guy, and she prepared to be resilient enough to face the challenge of staying visibly cold to him. "I've been to see Guy. I've challenged him," she began in a firm voice.

Robin shook his head in disbelief. He suspected what she was going to tell him about Gisborne. Intense emotions were buzzing through him, a mixture of acute heartache and bitter disappointment that threatened to burn their way up his clenched throat. No, he couldn't talk with her about his innermost feelings, and he wouldn't let her see the hurt she was causing him!

There was anger and jealousy in him – he was jealous of her to Guy and angry at her for believing the traitor who had tried to kill the King and had nearly killed him, her choice to dismiss his words about Gisborne's treachery like they didn't matter. The ire and jealousy were alternating with the hope that her intelligence and astuteness would help her realize the truth and she would finally see the real man behind Gisborne's dark and cruel face – a cold-blooded murderer.

He scanned her and admired her like it was his last time viewing her. He noticed her bottom lip tremble slightly, and that triggered a fire in his mind and body. Marian was no longer a girl who had turned down his proposal to get married before the Crusade and whom he had left behind for five years but who had always been on his mind despite their separation. Now Marian was a beautiful young woman, too gorgeous and tempting to resist. Blue-eyed and dark-haired, with flawless skin and slender figure, she was the very picture of grace, beauty, and feminine sensuality.

Robin still loved Marian, and all he wanted was to find a way for them to be together. He told no one about his feelings, but even his friends could see that she meant a lot to him; only Much knew that he, wounded and delirious, had called to her in his fevered dreams, in a voice as dusty with death as each and every patch of the ground in the Holy Land was. God and Much knew for sure that Robin still loved Marian, despite everything, despite years of separation, despite her current alienation from him. The Lord forgive him for such thoughts, he also wanted her as a woman!

He drank deeply in the luscious sight of Marian, feeling the heat rise in his body. He wasn't sure how much longer he could restrain his desire to kiss her. Robin had kissed her during their courtship, but those kisses had been chaste. If he kissed her now, it would have been a passionate and possessive kiss. And Robin wanted to taste Marian at least once more in his life… To taste her innocent and beloved mouth… And yet, he couldn't and he wouldn't… The world seemed to conspire against him, and Robin had to hide his feelings and desires.

Robin's love for Marian was _disguised_ in his allegories, clumsily-phrased compliments, sharp barbs, and their constant bickering. Was her love for him concealed in her coldness and aloofness?

Robin tore her gaze from her delectable face for a moment, compelling himself to chastity. As he took himself under control, he glanced back at her and skewered her with a dagger of a sardonic smile. He spoke sarcastically. "And let me guess." He made a step towards Marian. "You asked him if he was a traitor, he said he wasn't, and you believed him."

She nodded and sighed. "Yes." She trailed off, waiting for his reaction.

Robin nodded and heaved a sigh, feeling his heart collapse in his chest as the last vestiges of hope were dying in him. He leaned on the post at the foot of the stairs, turned around, and glanced out the open front door. Then he turned back to her and continued standing there, watching her in an uncomfortable silence. He could see that Marian was becoming more nervous as she continued to stare at him, looking as if she were ready to start screaming at him.

"Robin, I think you've been wrong about him," she declared after the long silence.

Robin felt as if the ground were shaking beneath his feet. For a moment, the traces of anger and disbelief were visible on his face before he masked his feelings with a tight-lipped smile. Why couldn't she just believe him? "No! Trust me. I've been right about him," he murmured.

"Maybe the difference between you and him is not so huge," responded Marian.

Robin's eyes drifted away, and he took a deep breath. Marian was so stubborn that she preferred to believe her future husband and accept the illusionary freedom which Gisborne would permit her to have after the wedding – because Robin believed that the man who was stealing his life would cage Marian and deprive her of her freedom. The thought that he, Robin, and his word meant little to her was unbearable, and he banished it from his mind.

But that thought kept implanting itself in his head in spite of all his desperate attempts to ignore the worst suspicion – Marian didn't trust him because she was stirred by Guy of Gisborne, his most vicious enemy. No, Marian didn't love Gisborne! She couldn't love a man like Guy, Robin thought.

Holding his gaze, Marian wondered what was happening in his head, behind the mask of impassiveness. She was also affected by his presence in the room, by his handsome looks and his charming ways of having a non-verbal communication with her. She really should fortify herself, insulate herself from him and from her attraction for him, from what she knew was trouble. Her appetence to unfurl the conundrum of Robin's behavior and discover his true inner world actuated Marian to confront him with the question whether he loved her or not.

She itched to hear from him the words of love. ' _Marian, I've always loved you. Don't marry Gisborne because I need and love you. Where there's a will, there's a way, and if you love me, we will find a way to be together_.' Why couldn't he tell her these magical words? Did he love her, or was he trying to woo her because she was one of his last few ties to the happy days of the past? Marian wanted to ask Robin all these questions, but his silence pushed her to act counter to her wishes.

Marian heard Robin sigh, and her heart stirred. Her blue eyes became nearly black with the deep emotions that roiled through her body. She quickly pulled herself together, hoping that he didn't notice the flash of feelings in her eyes. A frown marred her pretty brow, and she asked in a cold voice, "And isn't that your thesis? Isn't that the Robin Hood world view?"

Her words took him out of his thoughts. "What thesis?" inquired Robin, his brow arched.

She explained, "That one man is much like another. That the poor are no different from the wealthy and just as deserving. Why can't you apply your charitable principles to somebody who's been deprived in a different way?" She paused, and her heart skipped a beat. Now she would have to tell him something that would anger him even more. "Deprived of love," she stated.

Robin felt a surge of anger pass through him, closely followed by lots of wrathful and painful thoughts that Marian might be so dismissive of all rational things he had told her and of all the evidence against Guy's treason because she loved Guy. His brows shot up scornfully, and he growled, "Deprived of love."

Breaking the eye contact and sighing deeply, Robin strode across the room and stopped near the fireplace. He looked into the flames of the bright fire and recognized the burning mask of the Nightwatchman. No, it couldn't be true! Robin kept staring into the flames for a short while, his eye vacant and dead, as if he were watching the most dreadful, the deepest pit of hell. He sighed so loudly that Marian heard it from across the room and clenched her fists in frustration.

Robin had seen the mask, and it occurred to Marian that it was time to say to him the words that would break his heart. She loved Robin, her heart belonged totally and completely to him, but she had to marry Guy and shun her real love out of her life for good. She turned to Robin, very slowly, as if she were trying to delay the inevitable, and finally declared, "This is goodbye, Robin." She paused because the destructive words were not coming to her mouth. She steeled herself and said in an unsettlingly calm voice, "It's time for us to both grow up and accept our lot in life."

"Are you marrying him?" asked Robin breathlessly.

Marian gave a nod, her expression unemotional. "I'm marrying him."

Robin nodded at her in gracious defeat. "Very well."

A look of surprise and bewilderment crossed her face. "Pardon?" she breathed out the word in a whoosh.

He nodded once more and walked past Marian. He didn't stop beside her and threw over his shoulder nonchalantly, like an afterthought, "You said grow up, and I'm growing up." He walked over to the back door and exited the room, leaving her bewildered and confused.

Marian demanded in a louder voice, "Robin, where are you going?"

But Robin didn't respond and continued stalking towards his horse that was tethered to a gate-post outside. Marian watched him mount and ride away at a canter. He didn't even pause and look back at her! He didn't even give her a farewell glance! He had given up fighting for her!

Robin… Robin… Robin… _For God's sake, what had you done? Why had you walked away from me? Why cannot you see what I wanted you to tell me?_ Marian spoke these words in her mind. She _disguised_ her love for him in her chilliness and even hostility, keeping herself at arm's length from Robin after his return, but she began to think that it was a huge mistake on her part.

Conflicted emotions churned in her heart and mind, trying to balance out. But no balance could be achieved because she had just destroyed her own happiness with her own hands – she had pushed away the only man she had ever loved. Her heart clenched painfully, twisting inside her, and she slammed her hand into a post. She had lost Robin! He would never be hers again! Her heartache was so great and her pain was so strong that she couldn't breathe or move for a moment.

"I love you, Robin," Marian whispered to herself. Her voice was a whisper.

Marian was unable to hold back her tears anymore. Uncontrollable sobs began to wrack her, and her shoulders slumped dejectedly. Her whole life was on the verge of complete destruction. Such was the situation she had created today by rejecting Robin. Everything is a choice, and she made a choice to marry Gisborne. A feeling of heavy guilt hit her, and she slid to the floor and sobbed into her hands. Robin's last expression, hurt and disappointed, burned into her mind like a searing and bleeding wound. She would never forget how he looked at that moment.

Meanwhile, Robin was riding away from Knighton into the woods, his only desire to put a huge distance between Marian and him. Marian was no longer his, and she didn't want to be with him! He believed that there had been a steady gleam of hope that Marian could still love him; even now, after her rejection, his hope wasn't snatched away. But today the grief and pain of his loss were so powerful that he could barely breathe, and his hands holding the reins were shaking a little.

Marian… Marian… Marian… _My love, what had you done? Why had you stopped fighting for us and resigned to marry Gisborne? God bless you, Marian, and forgive me for choosing duty over you! God Almighty, don't allow her to marry this immoral bastard because she doesn't love him and he doesn't deserve you!_ Robin whispered these words in his mind, wishing that time could rewind and they could be betrothed again, that he could stay in England instead of going to the Holy Land.

Robin sighed with relief – if it was possible to feel relief – as he reached the edge of the woods. His eyes taking in the greenery of Sherwood, he spurred on his horse and rode across the clearing, striking into the forest in the place where he knew it to be the thickest. He took a few shuddering breaths and whispered to himself, "I love you, Marian. Why don't you see how much I love you?" All that remained for him was his vague hope that the shades of the greenwood would hide his pain.


End file.
